what am i doing??

have you ever felt so lost...

with no one to turn to..

you're afraid to confide in someone for fear of being judged..

your conscience too great of a burden... it eats at you... you wish that you just dint have one sometimes...

you started it... n now others follow..

you've tarnished it... n now the consequences are yours..

why do i have to be such a 'mum'?

why can't i act my age and be more rebellious or childish and make mistakes typical for my age and just dont give a frock.

you've molded me... a bit too well..

and now...

even words forsake me this time and towards the end.. i still feel as i did in the beginning.

i want to tell you... but i just cant.

Your dissapointment will kill me.

or i might be depressed. I'm trying to think reasonably... but it seems like whats bothering me can easily be shrugged off by others...

i search for the answers myself... on the net... and what i get further cements it all..

I think i might be pms-ing.

Everything i feel is just magnified 100x...

I need my mum T_T

OS

what did i do today??

saw an amputation video in Operative surgery today... it was cool in a gruesome sorta way. A guy lost his thumb to a shark while on a diving trip and wanted so much to be able to hold his X-box controller again that he had one of his toes replace his thumb... *gasp*

looked really weird having such a long thumb but at least... i quote him... "I can now hold a beer bottle again" --- @_@

and did u know that if u do a esophagoectomy... u can actually replace ur oesophagus with a part of ur COLON??

yes... the part where ur feces is formed in the body can actually replace ur esophagus. :D

Now i know why Christina Yang is so obsessed with surgeries. do i see surgery as a future career????

maybe

i really need to pass my OS major trw first.

am on question 15 ryte now another 100 to go!!!!

wuwu~

stay up lagi la ni mlm...

*buat milo untuk tahan ngantuk*

tata~~

Dreaming of gold

hey2 bloggie...

i dont know why im feeling so hyped right now...

mayb its the anticipation of the coming Kursk Games!!

its on the 16th-18th of April.. less than a month now.. n i have mixed feelings...

on one hand i cant wait for it all to be over and done with

on another im in shock over the fact thats its only a month away and my netbal team still hasnt played fully as a team with all players

and... on another (do ignore.. i just have another feeling to add hehe) i so want to clench that Gold medal at the end of the day...

why??

not only are the medals purrrty~ but its also on home soil... so we must we must we must!

owh, n i'll also be playing on the futsal team this time around. And futsal is one the first day, netball on the 2nd. Pray i stay injury free... i wudnt wanna let my netball team down by becoming unfit.

n max says we might perform our kenyalang kinabalu for the Malam Perdana on the 2nd night.... i wonder in what shape i'll be in...

will i be able to get those bending-over-sideways-gracefully-twisting movements needed for the dance with muscle pain???

which is why i feel so itchy to just run run run... n keep fit...

i dont wanna dissapoint anyone by taking up more than i can handle...

anyhoo~

if ya wanna check out what im talking about..

visit http://ekmsa.com/kurskgames2010/

till my next post!~

i wish i had a photographic memory!

dear bloggie

if only i had an photographic memory... i'd never have to work as hard remembering pharmacology.. really gotta salute those pharmacists out there.

"hey you pharmacists!! Keep up the good work!! *cough2* sucks to be you..... "

sometimes i wonder at the rate im going.. will i be able to retain all this information for future use?? i already forget last week's topic whenever i study a new one.

how can i possibly remember it all several years from now...

*gulp*

i dont wanna be a clueless about meds once im out in the real world.

@_@ <------ this is me clueless.

Y_Y <------ this is me studying pharmacology.

ryte now.. i find there's no farking way to connect my knowledge on this sub. n tat's wat makes it the hardest.... its all memorising power.

now where can i get a PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY!!!

Eurotrip 2010 pics

huloooo there~ here are the pics i promised. mostly in london. i've yet to find the pics from amsterdam...

Achtung!!

apa2 pun... minta bless dulu ba..

what cud beckham posibly be thinking about to pose like this??

aren : well.. hulooooo there purrty lady~

Terminator's Angels

bond girls... fun size version.. ;p

find mr. gingerbreadman!!

CUT!!

my.. my.. wat big biceps u have..

keira looks so real ryte??

se berabis sdh ni pose pantat.. still pales in comparison with JLo.

more to come sure enough~ :D

tata for now~

back in control..

just when i thought i was spiralling out of control, moodiness n depression strengthening its reigns, envy jealousy pride and gluttony beginning to take control of me once again...

i go to church n pray sincerely for forgiveness..

and on this day itself... it all turns out alright in the end.

how Great thou art.

i havent packed....

hey2 bloggie..

exams are done n my eurotrip starts tonite.. will be going by train tonite at 10:15pm i think..
but i've no mood... u've messed up my mood... why does this always happen before our holidays??

i know ur worried.. but u treat me like a child. i know u want whats best... but u hover over my every move. i know i can be silly n careless sometimes... but i always turn up the most responsible in the end.

so dont worry.

coz when u worry.. u make me worry.

n i hate it.

i become paranoid.

now all i can think about is how alone i am, n what if something goes wrong, what will i do then. n i dint feel so afraid before.

n i HATE it.

lazybumbum am i

ive got all the pics from the new year n xmas parties!!!
ive got the vids!!!

now all i need is the time....
i'll post em soon~

shoot.. i shud get off the internet n start really focusing on my coming exams.. i have 128 questions for microbiology and only on stinking no. 30. Less than a week to go... T_T

i cant wait for this to be over!!